Indoor Play… One step closer to Hell

When Dante wrote The Divine Comedy I do not think that he had ever anticipated the concept of indoor play centres.  I truly believe that had he been to one, he would have stopped short at Hell and not gone on to write Purgatory or Heaven.

It is safe to say that I have an aversion to indoor play centres.  I am firm believer that they are one of Dante’s levels of hell.  I believe that he just didn’t write about it, as it was just too horrific, too terrifying and perhaps would have had a direct effect on the expansion of mankind.

There is nothing good about indoor play centres.  Nothing.

From the start to the finish it is terrible and what makes it worse is that you choose to put yourself in this hell.  You choose this! You choose it!!!!

You look at your angelic little mini-mes and you say to yourself;

‘I know, today is raining, let’s do something special.’

I truly believe the powers of magic that erase the pain involved in birth so that you have another child, also work their magic when in come to indoor play centres.

Otherwise the first experience would be your last.

You would walk into the cavernous room, smell the sweat, see the mess and run a mile.   Perhaps that is how Usain Bolt trains?

You can guarantee that if you are part of a baby group at somepoint or other someone will suggest it and you will think that it’s a good idea.  You will want to have this shared experience.  You will get lulled into a false sense of security.  Someone will say that you can sit and drink coffee, while the kids play, it’s relaxing.

Please, please, please tell me what is relaxing about being in an echoey warehouse while hundreds of children scream, cry, puke and wet themselves?  Then add on the fear factor, the aprehension of letting your child go into a padded caged structure with several hundred other children who are clearly wired on Fruit Shoots.  Just in case it’s not clear.  THERE IS NOTHING RELAXING ABOUT IT.

You might say that at least you get to speak to your friends.  Catch up.  Have a chat.  Rest assured.  You don’t.  If you are lucky enough to leave without permanent hearing damage you have gotten away lightly.  I am sure that my last experience at Tiny Town left me with a twitch in my right eye.

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